dont force me to let go the happiness i want...

i nvr hate u nvr angry u..i know actually i make u so annoying..cos when break, i scold u heartless..scold u bluffing me...im know u are not.u really treat me good when u be with me. i can feel it, im not stupid.i know u wan to hurt me so bad cos u wan me stop loving u, forget u and find a better life for myself.when i said i wan to wait u, u dun1 me to waste my time, cos u cant sure whether u wil love me once again in the future..thats y u said to me "yes,i will nvr love u forever". u juz wan to wake me up.
actually i know very well what myself doing...im not mean to wait.never mean that. i juz.. wondering..u love me so deep b4, suddenly u said no feel to me...i can know what happen. im logic..i can think...we have too many problem between us...
when we 1st meet..remember? we are just fren..my bf juz leave me..u comfort me.. then we talk a lot..after that u went to uk...u study at thr..we study together in front of the webcam...when u work in uk...u have nobody...u r lonely..only im the one to accompany u to chat and webcam.. that time..in our life..we only have each other..we felt so sweet...we think that we can be so good, so happy forever.
after u back to penang...u come KL find me every two weeks...that time i was afraid..will u change after come back? cos ur life not only me anymore..u have family, have frens...i tot u was juz feeling lonely and need me when u was in uk, so u chose me.but no...after u back to penang, u stil said that u very miss me..everyday oso hope to see me..i know u nvr bluff me, nvr lie.. u really love me..in the past.
but our problem really too much...we meet too less..n i know we start neglect each other.. u hav ur work...at nite u need to social with frens...i hav my things to do..i cant even get the laptop to webcam with u like b4...our life have changed...not same as how we know each other b4.. thats y ur feel to me began fade...distance is a small problem actually...it juz helping us to break fast. cos if we stay near...even life change, we stil can handle the problem..i can sometimes go and find u surprisingly..and date with u...that can improve our relationship..life oways need surprise right?
and every night u call me, but our topic become lesser and lesser...this one i also know...
i know u did alot...u tired so hard to maintain our relationship..u come every couple of week to find me...this oso waste u a lot of money..i can understand u oso juz a fresh graduate..u wont able to waste a lot of money for travelling like this. and u wan to find me by bus..u said will be more cheap...but im the one cant go and fetch u at pudu station...
we have too much trouble between us...even i can maintain this relationship..u oso cant. cos, u actually deserve a better life..u have car, u have money..if u find a gf in penang, u will be more happy...a couple life shd be very sweet and happy i know..let go me, u will have a better life. u dont need to think too much..no such distance problem..no money problem...im juz a stone that will keep making u fall down in ur life...
and u think i oso deserve a better life...cos when u oways said that u wan come to find me, sure i feel suffer. cos im between u and my parents..u know i oways sad bout this...u tot that letting me go will make me feel better..maybe u will think dat..b4 i meet u..i oso have my own happy life.. even u gone, i oso can be very happy...but for me...b4 knowing u, ya i hav my own happy life.. but after meet u, i live more happy.....im not cant live without u...im not. i can live well without u...but not as happy as with u...im not cant live without u...i juz dont want to....
i know u never wan me to wait u....cos u cant promise me anything anymore..u scare will hurt me again in the future.so u wan me to let go now...i swear i will never wait u ok? but i have my own target....i told u i juz dont wan to live without u..since everybody said, im stil young..i will have a lot of chance in the future..im not scare to lost u..but i juz wan to try myself...to chase for my own happiness...u gave me the most happy life in my life. i wan to chase back my life only. not waiting my life to come back to me. u will nvr know the future, so u cant gimme promise, so u dont wan me to wait u.so do i....i wont know the future, i oso cant giv u promise that i really can get u back, so i oso wont waste my time to only wait u...
the thing i only can promise u is that...i will make myself happy oways..if i meet a better wan..if he really treat me better than u..and i really love him, i will let go u. but if i cant find a better wan..impossible u wan me still accept him juz becos dun1 me to wait for u right? u oso wont wan to see me live in sadness with a bad guy..i will only do the things that i feel is the best for me.
i will try to solve all our trouble and problem between us...we juz need time. so u oso promise me, not to refuse me far away juz dun1 to waste my time. cos finding my own happiness is not wasting my time.im stil young right?stil got a lot of chance and time ma...u juz live ur life, do what u wan, and take care urself...if u really find a better one oso, then u can be with her ar.. but dont simply find 1 then tell me she's better juz to shoo me away wo..
as i understand u...u love me so deep b4...if really can make u fall in love with me once again, and we dun hav any truoble between us liao, can meet when we need each other, can talk a lot wont be no topic..u dun1 meh? im not cant lost u...juz wan to try to slove our problem.. im not satisfy to lost my happiness due to other problem...if is my problem make u cant love me anymore, i wont say anything. im juz not willing to lose to the distance problem, or family problem.
i juz need 3 or 4 yrs...i think i can make it...^_^hope that u wont marry so early la..hehe....
never try never know...i juz wan..to look for my happiness...now got target, study oso will be harder, work oso earn money ar!! wont oways sit at home, cry cry cry like a useless ppl.
u said when u said love me last time, when u said cant lost me last time, u really meant it right?
means u really love me b4 de lo..no lie de...then i dun beliv ur feel to me really can become zero.. we break cos too many problem make us cant maintain our relationship, and life changed. some more,our relationship stil not stabil enough.but when our life both become stabil after we work.. i think it will be a lot better...dont break my hope anymore o i tell u....i ady promise u not to wait u de o....i said if found a better then will stop this target de. i beliv fate ok? u oso..cannot say u wont love me forever in the future.hope u see this blog la...but see liao oso u wont reply me de.cos u need cool down ma...dun1 me find u.i promise not to find then wont find de. i think b4 i promise de, nvr lie de. so u see anot oso i duno geh...aikzz...nvrm la..juz wan to tell u....give me a chance ok?dont ignore me in ur life. i dun1 to lost my happiness due to distance, due to my family.. thats not fair to me. i wont waste my time de. im doing what i think worth for me. cos im really feel happy with u, i really have a very happy life with u. it is worth for me to do this. unless i found a more happy life, then it wil start to be not worth. but now at least..it is still worth for me.