Friday, April 25, 2008

i cant hate u at so love u...

i tot that i can make myself very hate u, i can forget u fast. but i nvr can hate u...since we been together til now, everytime u make me angry, once u say sorry i oso can forgive u....same for this time.... ur leaving make me know that how much i love u.....u make me fall so deep, i cant stand up anymore...u let me become the happiest ppl in the world, i have nvr felt so happy in my life...but now...u suddenly push me down from the highest place i climbed.. u are now totally different with the ppl i know last time. what make u change so fast?change so sudden? change so much? as i know..a couple together for longer period sure the feel will reduce, but not until need to break up. i really cant understand the reason. u keep saying sorry, keep asking me to forget that, u really did something sorry to me? even not love a ppl anymore, also stil wan to be fren, wont ask her to forget u... u wan me to forget u, is it becos u scare i will disturd u and ur new gf? i duno why i will think like dis, but for me, this is the only reason u will break with me. nothing can let a guy break with his gf, unless 3rd party. i ask u is it u got 3rd party, u nvr say no to me, u keep ask me dont think too much...i think it's real rite? my mum also said that to me, but im not beliv..unless u say it to me.i know my mum was rite..she know u will leave me someday, cos u stay too far, and u wont sacrifice for me to come kl and stay, i nvr force u...but problem stil there..u cant oways waste money come find me.. it's too expensive.. and if u wan to find a gf there, easy a lot, cos im not beside u. i cant even go find u.. but y u nvr giv me time? i told u i wil go penang 1 day...i work so hard to let my parents beliv u are true to me, u can be beliv..u are good guy.. it is worth for me to do a lot for u...but....u wan me to understand u......u told me everything is past, u will only remember me as memory...u think that break up is better way for both of us. u said i deserved to get a better life. this is all excuses...excuses to let urself feel not so guilty...

but if this way can make u not so guilty.....then i leave...u not love me, u wont think that i happy or sad. but i love u, i hope that u will be happy without me...i juz wan a answer from u.. is that u leave me becos of 3rd party.. juz yes or no...this is enough for me. i can cry to release my mood..i dont need u to say sorry to me for hundred times.. thats not work for me, u say more sorry, i feel more sad cos make u feel uncomfortable. u r not sorry to me if u dont hav a 3rd party. cos no feel is not ur fault, thats fate. i juz wan a that i wont whole life duno why myself left by somebody i loved without reason.

anyway wan to thank u too...cos of u..i 1 day no eat, lost 1kg..this is wat i happy for, cos i tried so hard to keep fit also fail..u helped me..i think i will continue to be like dis, so i can get better body shape. im happy so u no need feel guilty..juz find ur own life that u wan. i will oways support u here. no matter what happen, if u need a listener, i will oways be here. until the day i can really let u go.

i dont know when will it be....but for now, i think i wont need bf really...totally no more confident on myself.......i can sure that im really not a good gal...nobody will wan to love me forever. i dun1 to beliv anyone anymore, cos i dun1 wan to fall too bad i ady cant stand up.........................hope that i can stay on my bed everyday, hide in my room. now everyday need to pretend happy and smile in front of my family, cos dun1 them to worry bout me. im really too suffer.