3rd day broke with him (24April2008)

im so stupid....im start to regret for what i have did. i stop myself to think bout him, i thought that if i nvr contact him forever...i can assume that he nvr appear in my life... but i nvr reluctant to take off the necklace he gave me from my neck...nvr wan to throw away what he gave me b4.. nvr dare to delete all the msg he sent me. thats all my only memory with him..i will lost him forever..i dont wan to lost the memory also....y i was so stupid yesterday to call him for last time? and promise not to find him forever? i juz...feel that myself now is very annoying to him.. disturbing his life...cos im only a rubbish threw by him...if i keep appear he will hate me a lot.. i juz wan him to be happy, wan him to feel better if cant hear my voice, cant see my sms, cant get my call, then he not feel guilty at all...he will get better life cos wont see my msg that very sad. cos i oways send him some msg to tell him that i miss him a lot...i wan him to stay...and he cant say anything, only know to say sorry to me. i dun wan him to feel so suffer..but now im the one who suffer...i everyday looking at my fon, seeing when will he msg me...when will he call me.. i nvr let my fon leave me far..but...the fon no respond at all...when i got a msg i will be very happy like last time, cos i thought is him...but...thats oni some mg from my frens...i feel so sad...my tears drop again.
im not a good gf for him...thats y he dont wan me......im bad in everything.... thats y im now trying to protect him.....now i become a bad daughter...yesterday night..maybe i cry a bit loud, my mum heard me..she knocked my door, asked me switch off the laptop, she need to talk to me. she asked me not to be sad anymore...she said maybe he has another gal in penang,will nvr think of me anymore. im nothing for him, so what for i cry for him? and my mum said she wanna find him out and talk or even tell his family...i...im a bad daughter...i lie to my mum..i wan to protect him..i tell mum nothing happen, im ok...i juz wan him to be happy as he want..he is too suffer to be with me.i brought him only sadness and annoying in his life. im a rubbish. he shd throw me earlier...he is good enough cos he wait until i finish my exam only tell me....he already did his best...im the only one nvr did my best........im not enough good to be his gf. i wil nvr forget how bad i am.....how stupid i am...i...juz wan to protect him now, let him be more happy than b4.. cos i gave him a lot of bad memory....no matter how, i will do everything to only let him be more happy and comfort...i wont find him even i want to...cos with this, he will feel not so guilty to me. he will be more and more happy when i really din find him.... i bluff him that i had already deleted his fon number..but i wont change my fon number forever...i will stil holding my fon every second, even sleeping..juz to wait for his msg, as how i wait like last time...last time i was waiting for his msg, thats a happy moment, cant beliv now....waiting his msg with tears...such a funny life~haha...im funny...waiting for nothing....but i hope that, if 1 day he feel tired, feel need somebody...or anything happen...he will find me....can find me to accompany him like last time, opening the webcam and chat...happily...when he is lonely, i will oways be ready here...for him.. i will nvr find my own life with happiness, cos after this..i already know very well that, hapinness nvr belong to me. no matter how much i put my effort into it, the ending will still be the same. as u wan me to beliv u last time..i thought i really found...now see? is the same!! my fate will nvr change...u make me know well about it and i will nvr dream anymore. i will wake up from the dream, nvr be greedy to sleep so muc and hide myself in the dream for those fake happiness that the god has given to me..all are illusion...not true...i will nvr find happiness anymore, but i will be ready here to support u for ur happiness...as long as u need me, juz find me...i will stil be ur side, support u in everything u do...