sigh...internet really too widely connected

whatever happened to me sadly, no matter who you are...please do not speak a word to the other.(cause i dont know who else close to me had viewed my previous post.i deleted it, should it been deleted from you rmind too)

because this could spoilt my life. those passed, let it passes. this is really important to me. thanks.^^
just keep it as secret, forget it if possible hehe.thank you very much for assisting in this.

No cake baking d.

too bad 2day not going 2 bake cake d for mother's day.
cos i gotta fetch my lil bro from his sch at 3. if im gonna bake, shd be from 12-6pm. non stop
aikz quite miss the moment of baking~
so~ juz went 2 the baker cottage 2day and book the special flovour cake only for mothers' day lo.
what else can do? bro cant drive yet..mahuan~=P

mothers' day around the corner..what's yr plan?

my mum said..."secret recipe's cake very sien d la...dun1 buy d." (coz my big bro lo..he like SR cake, every event oso buy thr de cake..eat til.....@.@

so....hehe. mum ask me when i wan bake cake wo...yuan lai she miss my cake haha!!

dang dang dang~~ ok lo.i will bake an orange flavour butter cake.
(she dun like cheese cake, cant bake cheese cake.no choice)
(cant find mascarpone cheese around the ingredient shops around my hse, cant bake tiramisuT.T no choice)

so bake her favourite simple cake lo^^ wish me luck ya... dun fail in bakin' o. ^.<

$$$$$$$$$$$ hehe i earned rm200 today~~

Beginning of a month, what a son should do?
hehe of course giving parent monthly allowance ma...
and hor and hor~~
my bro gimme RM200!! wakaka~~
you know what..I'm good sis ma...every week help him clean room wo~
so gimme money use, acceptable right? wakaka~~
when i planned 2 go redang, start paying deposit, i ady start feeling like bankrupt jor.
thx bro ^^ i hope 年年有今日 ah!! haha~

blogging satisfaction

=P
finally...i satisfy with my blog design.
it's really tiring to design the blog, crazy with the photoshop software to create the only special header photo.
and the templates colour...
I am choosy...haha. that's why i neglected my blog for decades due to dissatisfaction of the design.
but now i'm bck!!!^^ as a blogger, updating my life here..with more exciting journey in my life. guess what?
im gonna graduate soon.....................................
BIG change of my life there'll be.from receiving allowance monthly, become paying to parent monthly.
I guess i got lotsa stuff to purchase with my 1st few months' salary.haha. so sorry papa mama, let me spend off my salary on my necessaries!!
LAPPY!!!
new HP!!!(with AGPS of course..you know..im road idiot= =)
and duhh~~~~new CAM!!!!!


all da best to me for my very FINAL exam in my studies!! will nvr lose..no FAILING!!
gambatei all candidates for this coming papers~

8 in the MORNING

8 in the morning

cloudy sky, I reached my 'beloved' college that I had left it for a month.

Im driving thr of course, picking sweet girl MEISIM, and an 'indian guy' VICTOR.

They both my classmates.

We are so 'hardworking' to come for the revision class that is informed by our lecturer so long ago.

Here we are outside the DK~

from left, is MEIWEN, then MEISIM in the middle, the sitting one is VICTOR.

(They thought nobody can recognise them if they facing me with their back, LOL too silly)

Finally, once the door of DK is opened....
D-A-N-G!!
even the lecturer is not in..
because..the class is not on at all.
In fact, we should have email the lecturer if we wish to go for the class.
==", they nvr told me about this...
so~ we just hang on somewhere in coll to read something until brunch time...

....................
.......1030am.......
times up for tired reading (actually is dreaming)
cause we sitting beside the swimming pool, my eyes in not focus on the book at all lol~

then...the next round is...brunch time~~
in the Island RED Cafe..


Sharing 1 drink, cause.. don't like drinking a lot ^^

Who's in this round?
Only...
Me....


And MEISIM~~

My order~

HOT AND SPICY CHICKEN CHOP

It's nice~

Crispy chicken with delicious french fries~

MEISIM's order...

==' nasi lemak~~

hmm hmm..once the food is served,

her comment is

"chicken so small!!!"

"ikan bilis so less"

"Egg also small, the yolk so little~"

Then once have a try on it...

she said

"the rendang source nice"

"but the chicken so hard!!"

bla bla a lot of comment and finally...

She finished it too~ hahaha~

A day with foolish attendance on a non-existed class...

but still a wonderful day with wonderful person^^

The tears as the rain

The sky is crying.... When i look through my window, HIS tears, is hurting every living thing on the earth.
I am safe under the eaves, looking to the cats and dogs that running outside, looking at the birds that flying in the tears, and creatures running back to their home..
Only the trees...they're in wonderful day of this, dancing, open up their arms, welcome the tears to hydrate them... and after the tears, will be a smile from the sun, and a whole new weather that every creature and living thing will present in it, and work on for their life again..
Human's heart is just the same as weather..they have tears sometimes, to brim over the sadness, to get themselves safe under somewhere they can hide from the tears, but the tears, do hydrate some feelings inside their heart, to understand what is going on, to know what to do, how to decide. And after the raining, should be a smile, to welcome your new life, which will have more happiness and let yourself go on with your life, and forget about the rain that you dropped.

I am forgetting the rain of mine yesterday night, even now the sky is having HIS tears dropping. I feel great now because I know what should I do. I understand that something can't be changed and will stay forever as now... I know what he think, because he said so... I know we'll never got chance to be couple, because he said so. So.. how about you?

Balance

You know what...?
A person, should be balance in his or her life.
Some people will commit suicide, because they felt they lost everything but in fact, they only lost a part of his or her life.
When we browse through the newspaper, some people commit suicide because they fail in their exam, or too stress in study. But actually they study in the first class of their school. Maybe they think they lost everything if cant get the best grade, but how about those studying in the last class?
Some commit suicide because they lose in their business. but in fact, before economic down they was a billionaire, and after economic down they become millionaire...hmm.. how bout us that only consider as "thousandaire"?
And some...die for love...
We should be balanced... Even though sometimes we maybe weak in some part of our life, but we still not losing everything.

I myself as an example. sometimes really feel wana die cos Im studying ACCA, so stress.. study until cry..who knows?
My parents...always argue..doubting each other. this say he not love her, that say she dun like helping him in his business.. what should I do as a child in this home?
And my brothers...both hating each other, cos dad most love young bor, and mum always side elder one...
And in my love story, I always let guy leaving me.
So im really lost everything in my life, should I commit suicide?
I dont think so..Cos Im gonna come out for work already. I'll almost have my own life. I can earn money by myself, leaving a home that always only argument thr, leaving my study and get what i deserved after my hardwork in my study, and i'll search again for a whole new nice guy that will give me my happiness..
So dying is just end your wonderful life, but not ending your sad life. Cos you still not get into the wonderful life, you already give up.
So.....we should look into future...
I should do that too...
I should not cry only for a person I love, and feel bad cause he said he dont love me.
because I know, I can work harder to get him again in future...maybe we will have our wonderful future. Or I will get a better one after him? ^^
So if u think u wan to commit suicide and u do read this post, I hope that, U think all over again..

Love is blind..

wait or not?

i cant decide anymore.

am i really think too much?

Im juz too care bout him. I think love will become annoying when u care a person a little too much.

I juz scare i'll lost him, but in fact i never gain him~

He is juz too good with all the girls around him, in fact, Im the one of them.

And now, Im the most bad relationship among the girls around him. you know why? cuz.. I too care bout him,too care bout what he talk to other gals..

when I know that he will say "miss" to every girl that close to him, I know he never lie to me.

Cuz he told me b4, miss can say to frens. He can miss his fren. yes.. He never lie to me.

Think positively, he stil a gd guy cuz not a liar~

So i should have beliv him that he said he got feel to me b4...

But he did say oso he got no more feel on me now..so should i beliv this as well?

I dont want to...and never accept it. Im still here hoping for, thinking to... make him bck to me.

But seems so impossible, cuz he already say he no more feel on me. and he got so much choice now, he dun need me anymore...what I suppose to do?

If now he can tell me that he still got very very very little feel on me, i'll wait. I swear no matter what he do, no matter how sweet he treat other girls..I wont ask even a word...I swear..I juz want him back...I can do whatever he like..whatever..

Now only i realise...love is really blind. U really will do whatever, sacrifice everything, juz to get the one u love the most to stay happy with u...I juz wan this.. I wan him to be happy with me.. Juz like that.....I beliv this is not too much...I juz need his 1 word, ask me wait for him, i'll do it then..juz give some hope in my life. At least, i got my target to continue my happy life. I juz need him...so much............no matter what I need to do. I dont care.
I juz want him to tell me..but why he never? T.T

Because of tiring

After a couple of weeks, i stop thinking of him. I know this guy, is not suit to me. No he is not. I nvr feel that Im so stupid to cry for nothing.

Yes,Im idiot...
He told me long ago, Im not his gf. I know that. I juz keep giving myself hope, not he gave me the hope. He said to me b4, I know it. How come Im so stubborn and think that we'll have the chance to be together?

Guys are all the same (no discrimination, juz meaning those I met).
I know he juz treat me as a...backup. This is the most suitable word to describe it.
He dont really love me, he juz feel Im good, he dont wan to let me go. So everytime i said "I wan to leave, Im suffering to love u, i wan let go". he wil ask me what i wan. isnt it we deal not to talk bout love in the study period? he said he dont wan a gf yet. he say i cant und him.

Yes i dont, i really dont und him. I only und what i wan, what i feel. i feel he doesn.t love me at all. Im juz a backup for him. If he could finish his study and find a better one, then im free to go. If not, then he will take me. isnt it like that huh?

It's ok...when im typing this post, i dont even feel anger, hatred or crying.
because in my heart, i really let go. He should know that, no sacrifice, no rewards.
I wont wait for nothing..No way~

No matter how, as he wish, we juz fren. FOREVER.
Every word you said to me, it hurting me...every word is adding a wound in my heart, the wound is thr forever. but oni in my past, from now on, it's not hurting anymore. because u are nothing for me. I know u wont feel sad wont feel regret. losting me is juz nothing for u. u can find a lot of better one.. Im juz ur fren.

Yes, juz fren...................
So what? Who u thought u are? blekk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im selfish, so dont feel that i changed d. I nvr. Because I'll only treat the guy I love gd. so dont say that im different from the one u know b4...

I cant predict the future, but I know, with your attitude, u wont love me anymore. should not say 'anymore', since u nvr love me. I should say, u will nvr love me no matter in the past, now or in the coming decades. So no point I wan to wait. Unless u tell me clearly u love me. If not, i wont beliv that u got feel.

And I hate the word 'got feel' and 'no feel". what does that mean? love means love, dont say got feel but that's not love. That's so unclear and make me confusing, and in the end u guys wil oni say ' I said i got feel on u only, fren also can got feel can say miss ma..that's not love'... EXCUSES!!!

If any guy let me hear this kind of excuses, I swear I wont even be fren with him!! Im serious. Dont play with the love and u thought so happy of having admirer. Women are not weakers~~ We can live without mens! Juz we dont want to.. Dont play with fire please. Love is not child can play. If u think u are not enough mature, please dont touch it and simply hurt gals and juz walk away. So irresponsible!!

darken night...

sparkling stars get into my eyes..

Thee gets into my mind.

every question that raise in my mind

I will never get the answer..

heart has been stolen,

but tears? remains in my eyes.

Thee stops the time....

and thus, stops my breath.

Thee lost the feel....

and I, lost thee at all.

How cruel....

May I be granted a seat in Thee heart again?

Please make me believe...in action..

that Thee, had spoken the sincere.

that I, had and will have been in Thee's heart, for all the time.

that I, loving the Mr. Right.

sorry for not updating my blog for such a long long time~

actually i juz have my another new blog. because.. this blog..too much close friends viewing here. i juz cant express my feeling here cos some of them are my story's theme or main character. my life, my feeling are juz very close to them. i feel uneasy to write here cos sometimes argument may happen. especially about love.

A blog, is just a very nice place for me to share my feeling with some friends from all other places that never meet, whom can comment me in their very own opinion, without prejudice, and giving me advices, without scolding. I don't want to write something sad here and if the character saw my blog he or she will feel that im purposely complain here to let everyone know. I'm not a very bad girl to purposely post something bad about people. i never want to let those who know us to know what happen on us. no way..

so..forgive me not to share my sad and angry thing here...and allow me only share my very happy thing here.^^ i wish that everyone around me only know that I'm happy with them but never know i angry or feel sad with them before. because...i want all my friends to be with me even i hate them sometimes..haha~ I'll stil apologize even I'm not the one who is wrong. Cause i wan my friends. even they are wrong and never apologize, they are my friends still.

so~ if one day u are able to find a blog that only having sad and angry posts, and u found that's me..then u may found the complete life of mine. But don't tell any other people here that u found me in that blog o!! shhh~~ ^^

爱你太难...

我受不了你的忽冷忽热

或许这就是你的性格

或许是我的不体谅

原谅我是自私的

这样不是我要的...

我渴望被爱的幸福..

所以我选择退回去处你生命里黑暗的角落

把我对你所有的感觉与关心,

都和自己一起藏着.

我只想...偷偷的喜欢..

这样,我们都不会感觉到对方的温度了..

主动,我做不到了..

我选择这种方式去等待...

我希望我得到更多我想要的感觉..

我希望我是被爱的被珍惜的.

而不是不重要的..

不是你生命中有没有都无所谓的.

泪干了,什么都会随泪消失..

为什么我就爱哭?

我记得小时候我真的是这样的,

因为那时常常被坐我隔壁的小学同学欺负..

(没有要讲你坏话的意思=P 不要气我啊~~)

上中学以后,我也一样常被人欺负

可是我已经变得很坚强

也没有流过眼泪了

直到现在...

好象又很疯狂的哭了..

把我的眼睛,变的不怎么好看了..

为什么我要为了那些无谓的人而哭呢?

我的眼泪怎么总是因为不爱我的人而流?

我不会再为你流泪..

再也不会!!

泪干了,什么都会随泪消失..

你留给我的,是连呼吸也让我觉得困难的空气.

要做好朋友,那就好朋友吧!

随你..我不会再为你在乎,为你担心了..

我,只会爱我自己.

oh my god oh my god!!!!

my audit test sure fail ady.....

i only write 7 points whereas it actually needs 20 points..(this is what i heard)

and....only 36 minutes to write, how to write? huh huh huh???

20 points with explaination ler..not only points..

and some more....the question asking about audit strategy..

which we have never practice on this topic..

i have read the books and notes before the test about this audit strategy...

but, i have no idea what it is about..

the information from books and notes is so...LIMITED!!

what a.... test!

killing we the student.

do the lecturer and tutors build their happiness on our sadness?

i can't believe...i'm so disappointed.

i can't imagine the result.

GOD.....Pls help me~~~

i don't want to fail any paper..no way..

never do this on me.

心痛....

这世界上, 为什么有那么多人让我觉得恐怖?

我一直以为, 做人是很简单的..

朋友之间, 是要互相信任的.

可是有些人, 会把你的信任当做武器, 去攻击别人.

让你无意间就变成了那个伤害别人的罪人.

什么叫朋友? 我真的不懂得去解释了.

一个风景优美的地方, 本该所有人都很快乐的.

就一件那么小的事, 所有人的心情都抹杀了风景.

最后留下的 ,是泪. 是失望.

这个我们所有人都向往的地方...

现在应该变成恶梦了吧?

我以后也不能再去了吧?

因为只要一提起这个地方, 就会让人想起这不愉快的事.

我的向往.... 会是遗憾了...

他们的不开心. 是因为我那愚蠢对人的信任,不是因为我那没脑的笨.

让我无法去面对他们.

有些事, 忘不了的, 是一辈子的.

不过人总要从错误中学习...

我学会, 交朋友, 不是那么单纯的.

我学会, 很多事情, 如果跟着感觉做, 会是个错误.

我学会, 要把不开心的事都收起来, 总是笑脸迎人.

这样子, 别人就不会被伤害了....

我没事了

我也学会坚强, 一个人面对.

我很清楚知道, 我已经是一个人了. 我没有逃避.

DANG!! i stole my bro de digicam! know where am i going?

a long distance travel to......---->MALACCA~~

Know whr is this place? A'famosa resort lo...

but hor...aikzz...i thought so happy to go and stay thr de. cos i was thinking dat..

the resort sure very nice de lo..

mana tau....aikz...so cheap de.once i walk in, got a type of smell..

maybe that unit left empty too long, nobody stay.

all the bed and pillow also smelly.

i only slept for 5 hrs that day wei~~~

luckily juz stay 1 nite. if not sure i die.

haha i ask my mum to take this pic for me...

but how come i do this kind of post??

and how come my mum wan copy my post and edit a bit? haha...


WAKAKAKA~
ini orang jepun!
my okasan!
daddy....look at this pic also can laugh out..
how come ler..his face so funny geh?

my grandma..
i can saw her eyes..
she wana cry, but she stopped her tears from dropping out.
actualy that day quite a lot of ppl sad..
cos grandpa passed away d.he cant see my cousin's wedding.
and the brother of my cousin, he drank dat day..
and cried out....so sad...

DANG DANG!!

change attire..

in my dad's car going to the restaurant lo..

this is the pair of new couple..

(i dont have a clear pic in the restaurant of them, so use this to ganti hehe..)

my family...

my two brothers din come for this celebration.

cos they need to stay in shop and work..

so cham~ aikzz...

thats y i said, this kind of business, not good even though earn a lot.

cos got money, no family anymore.

we have nvr go for any travel after dad had start up this business.

nvr, a family in a whole..

wish that i could have a very nice family by myself in the future lo..

my mum oso ask me to marry somebody that can accompany me more.

no need everyday, but at least, got family day..

i wish too...but everything....is on fate.^^

yo...what a lucky day today...?

i met a friendster friend at the car park inside college.

lol~ i can't even recognise who is him..

cause i nvr go and see his photo... =.="

sorry ya Adrian...anyway, nice to meet u too.

and..on the way home, i received a call from "True Fitness".

They invited me to go to their branch to have a 7 days course.

hehe...some more wanna arrange a personal trainer for me wo~

i said wana bring a fren go, she said welcome.

DANG!!!

SAM PUI YEE, you are targeted! wahaha~

and i know why is the True Fitness will have my contact.

i think sure Winx..you already a member there is it?

i guess la..hehe...cos you seldom call me as Stephanie.

so im not sure is it u..

anyway, i will have a try if i have the time.^^

Today is a very nice rainy day.

雨天

雨天, 为什么永远都让人觉得心情低落?
我试着谈天, 他却... 没有回应.
甚至, 就消失了.
我真的不知道该怎么办了..
那种忽冷忽热的对待, 你能明白吗?
我不知道要怎样去应付.

雨, 变成了泪. 落个不停.
雷的咆哮, 震撼了我的心..
让我觉得如此的无奈....
如此孤寂..

当我也线上消失的时候, 却看见.....
你回线了...
是错觉吗?
还是...一种避开?

p.S :

嘻嘻..

什么都不是..

是误会~~^^

我有时侯真的很笨蛋一下的..

都解释了..是我的错..

以后不能再乱乱想了..

10月30日 : 夜晚 : 晴天 :

今天是万圣节.. The Halloween~

万圣节本该是个恐怖的节日.

可是我今天的心情, 却真的很好..

因为我感觉到自己被在乎..

有个人, 真的了解我的感受..

就算我不再告诉他我在想什么.

就算我一直试着隐瞒, 什么都不说,他也能知道.

那照片..换了.

我一直担心的事, 因为他那小小的一个动作, 消失了.

我不知道自己已经陷了多深..

我只知道, 我真的很在乎..

也很珍惜他为我做的. 就算只是那一点小事..

今天的我,知道了这事后, 真的是笑了一整天.

我想, 就算等下我睡着了,都会笑吧~

等他, 是值得的.

^_^